Your Husband's Mega-Need

June 14, 2019 | by: Laurie D'Amico | 0 Comments

Posted in: Marriage and Relationships

Philippians 2:3 (The Passion Translation)

“Be free from pride-filled opinions, for they will only harm your cherished unity.  Don’t allow self-self-promotion to hide in your hearts, but in authentic humility put others first and view others as more important than yourselves.

I’m guessing if you’re like most of us, when you read the title “Your Husband’s Mega-need” you may be inclined to think it’s sex.  Sex is one of your husband’s most important needs, however, it’s not his mega-need, honor is.  There are several key ways to honor our husbands.  I’d like to focus on one of them.  One key way we can honor our husbands is by allowing him to fail.  Yes, I said allowing him to fail.  I would like to clarify something.  Allowing our husbands to fail is not the same thing as allowing self-destructive behavior.  Lovingly addressing self-destructive behavior is necessary.   

Recently, Dave and I went out to eat with another couple from TL.  We were headed to the restaurant from a different direction than usual.  The GPS was giving directions, and Dave wasn’t following the suggested route.  Several times I corrected him.  Close to our destination, the GPS said to turn right and Dave turned left.  I corrected him again and he said his way was quicker.  I started to challenge him.  The other woman in the car gently tapped me and gave me a loving look that said “just let him drive”.    

The issue here has nothing to do with driving and directions.  It has 100% to do with showing Dave honor by allowing him to fail by possibly getting lost, or taking longer to get to our destination.  To a husband honor says “I believe in you and I believe you can do anything.”  A husband wants his wife to believe he’s capable more than anything else.  A husband will do anything for honor.  Your husband fell in love with you because you honored him.  And your husband will move closer to who or whatever gives him honor. 

Every woman desires closeness with her husband.  The way to get it is honor.  One thing to consider is what’s more important?  Is getting some place on time more important or is having a close relationship with your husband more important?  What is it that you struggle with in regards to letting your husband fail?  What is more important?  That issue or concern, or having a close relationship with your husband? 

Not showing our husband honor can result in his spending lots of time in his man cave, at work, or with other people rather than us.  It results in distance and loss of intimacy.  I don’t know about you, but it’s my desire that Dave wants to spend time with me more than anyone else. I desire closeness and intimacy.  I want to know Dave will do anything for me and for our relationship.  Honor does just that. 

Towards the beginning of our marriage Dave started a business.  I suggested he not start the business because the man who would be his partner was not forthright in some of the details  until it was time to sign the paperwork.  Due to some business dealings of his partner, the business failed.  Rather than honor Dave through this failure, I said the dreaded words “I told you so”.  I showed no compassion or encouragement in his failure.  I was prideful and “right” and he was “wrong”.  If he would have listened to me, he would not have put us in this mess. 

My inability to gracefully let Dave fail in this business venture put a big divide between us that gradually grew and grew with each year we were married.  We grew a great distance apart very early on in our marriage.  It was lose/lose on a large scale.  I chose “being right” over growing closer to Dave.  Because I refused to allow him to fail and figure things out on his own, even if that meant losing a business and having debt. If I could turn the clock back I would be by Dave’s side through thick and thin. Hand in hand in the good and the bad. 

I can’t turn the clock back, but I can choose today to honor Dave.  Thankfully God has restored what the locusts have eaten away.  And Dave and I are closer than either of us thought possible.  My showing Dave honor on a consistent basis has played a big part in the closeness we now share.  Philippians 2:3 (The Passion Translation) “Be free from pride-filled opinions, for they will only harm your cherished unity.  Don’t allow self-self-promotion to hide in your hearts, but in authentic humility put others first and view others as more important than yourselves.” 

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